NO, IT'S NOT "CRAZY" THAT THE BACHELORETTE PARTY YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT SINCE JANUARY IS FINALLY THIS WEEKEND. nor is it "CRAZY" that the Vegas trip you've been telling us all about for almost a whole year IS FINALLY NEXT MONTH ("can you believe it???"), ESPECIALLY since I planned a trip to vegas and actually went in one week during the time you were talking about what you would maybe wear nonstop ("I feel like I want to wear like sequins, since I'm going to Vegas, isn't that crazy?").
Also, asking, "Are you getting a salad?" when I already have a salad bowl in my hand and am filling it with lettuce…REALLY?!? I am filled with so much contempt it is making my body want to curl up into a fireball and explode myself in your cubicle.
OH, ALSO YOU LOST MAYBE 10 POUNDS–YOU DON'T NEED A WHOLE NEW WARDROBE JUST BECAUSE YOUR PANTS NO LONGER GIVE YOU A MUFFIN TOP.
Ugh, I feel better now?
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