It is the time, like every winter, Mark and I wonder why the fuck we live here. We spent hours one night drunkenly arguing about moving to LA. Mark was adamant about picking up and moving to LA ASAP. I was almost convinced, but really do not like LA enough to live there. I tried to keep reminding Mark that it's full of douches, way more than there are in Chicago, it's so plastic, and Mark pretty much has complete zero tolerance for yuppies or anyone into "superficial" things. He kept saying so what, and that it's so romantic: the land of broken dreams, blah blah, beach. Ok yes, beach, it has that. But is it really worth it to be around so many annoying people? I must admit, that when I visited the people weren't that bad (although the designer screen printed t-shirt, relaxed fit jeans, and designer tennis shoes look of 95% of the guys– GAG) and it was very pretty and nice, and we did feel a certain kind of freedom I think is only felt on the west coast… but why, are like 9 out of 10 people I've met from LA (or people that have moved to LA) the most intolerable brand of asshole: unintelligent, usually reg, floaty featherdusters, image over substance, yet somehow stuck up. And possibly a pathological liar (to go along with image). So I don't think I would be happy there, and Mark said to me that no, I would not fit in, ok fine.
I said that I would rather move to New York. Even though New York does have a winter, but not as biting as Chicago's. Mark does not want to live in New York because he thinks it is too businessy and corporate, a rat race compared to the abstract sort of "freedom" that is in LA. But I have friends in NY and people in NY are so much sharper. There's so much going on and so much to do. Still, I am not convinced I want to live there–the price, too many rich people, also too many assholes thinking they're someone, too many people period. There is like, a paradoxically profound lack of specialness.
We've thought about the other smaller acceptable US cities but can find so many things wrong with them. On the west coast San Francisco seems like it could be alright besides being really expensive but Mark is convinced it is completely full of rich yuppies (isn't that the truth). I guess I'd have to visit to get a better feel; I haven't been there since I was like 9 years old. But California is supposed to break off into the ocean soon, so maybe we shouldn't! Portland is kind of cool, but as I've often said about it, there are too many hippies and too many nature loving people that wear brown and gray, which I don't want to be around. It lacks the edge that bigger cities have, there is no rhythmic driving force vibrating in the air on the streets. It's almost as if the whole city is stoned. Seattle I haven't been to, but feel it is probably a lot like Portland? Also, probs too gray.
We considered Austin, which could be alright. Hot weather! Mexican food! I already understand Texas and have weird inherent Texas pride for no reason! I would be near my parents. And it's in Texas! But, con: it's in Texas. Also, I don't like being that close to other people I know in Texas...I like to think of my high school/early college years as locked in a little box and buried in Texas where I don't have to access it ever again, really. Mark is not into living where they have SXSW since it is so big and brings in too many annoying people. I think this is still a vague possibility (though I doubt Mark would really want to live in Texas).
There are really no other cities I'm interested in. We considered somewhere smaller, or somewhere in the middle of the desert, but I don't think I'm ready for that kind of isolation. Or what about Memphis? I've never been there but it seems kind of cool, but too country and too "red" I think. Other big US cities I'm not interested in: Las Vegas, Miami, Boston, Philadelphia, Detroit, San Diego…
Sadly I think I am just an inferior Midwestern at heart and (this pains me greatly) probably rather conservative in my tastes, and I cannot live anywhere else. I overquote Nelson Algren about loving Chicago like "loving a woman with a broken nose. You may well find lovlier lovlies, but never a love so real." Agh!
Oh, the Chicago winter IS frightful, but the summer is so delightful! This is why we live here in this shitty, horrible, get dark at 4:30, scrape ice off your car in the morning, 4 layers of clothes wet feet winter. A city where you are unable to wear heels or stand outside comfortably for half the year, a sprawled out city with shitty public transportation and horrible government, 10% sales tax, and parking tickets that are both unavoidable and frequent! And then in the summer we'll see the sun, and filled with hopes and dreams, we drive to Indiana to boldly swim in the e. coli infested Lake Michigan. Guess I'm in love!
