frustration

NEWS:
Today I realized another defective part of my personality. I look at what other people do and am like, dear God, I am going to be the last one out of everyone I know to be famous. Or I may never get famous at all. My fame I desire is the kind that is a few google search results with my name, written by other people, and not humiliating. Maybe somebody interviewing me, and they would say, why she is quite a charming, funny girl who has accomplished quite a lot for her age.

1. Googling my name yields no results that are actually me, unlike almost every other one of my friends. To "rub salt into the wound", there are already 2 Alison James that do books.
2. I am the only one that lives in my apartment that isn't moderately famous. (ex. H has been in Reader a few times, HL was in band that people know about (even Marcelo had boughten one of her cds and didn't even know she was my roommate) Even my cat is more famous; well, at least he is more likeable. (Not Grizelda, I mean Sir "Cat of the Year" Ludwig).
3. My boyfriend is kind of famous for music stuff, also graffiti and I picture his friends thinking I am not good enough for him because I am not in a band or have anything going on really.
4. Whenever I think of a way to become famous, or "get my stuff out there" it ends up being like, well I'm not really into that so much, I will get bored. What if I just do whatever I want, offer no useful information, and talk about my sexuality, destroy the old ways of everything, draw one picture a day on the internet, and then people will love me.
5. Then I look at what other people have come up with, like book ideas, or businesses based on stupid kitschy funny crap, and it's all "I COULDA DONE THAT! If I started working on that last year I would already be famous and could quit my job!!!!" and the next stage is: whatever it is not that cool. so phony and I woulda done it better.

So I guess what I just described is a moderate to severe inferiority complex. I need to break this cycle. If I got to quit my job, I could sit outside and drink beer in the grass in the middle of the day if I felt like it. Also, people would think I was cool.

The time is ticking and I am just getting older, and soon it will be expected to be successful in some arena.