single white females?

I have never seen the movie Single White Female, but I have heard a lot about it, because for some reason, I seem to attract stalkers and imitators. To a few, this might sound as though I'm bragging, as I myself used to imagine being wonderful enough to be stalked. But once you are stalked, you learn that in fact, it does not boost your self-esteem, it LOWERS it! You feel stupid for being adored by a fucking loser. You start to wonder if you are just as lame as the people who want to be you. I mean, you are the dream prized possession of an absolute idiot! What does that say about you?

I won't go into the amount of stalkers and weirdos that have creeped around my life, but it's pretty high for me not being famous (or even semi-famous (or even popular)).Right now I have a couple suspicious things going on, but at first I only thought there was one. I don't want to give too much information on the INTERNET (HELLO STALKERS), but one single white female who cuts my hair likes to cut hers the exact same way right after she cuts mine! It pushed me to bleach my hair blonde, so we wouldn't look like dorky lesbians when people see us in public together! And, I actually am liking it. But OH, what is this? She lightened her hair from dark brown to medium brown the other day. IS she going to keep going lighter gradually, until we match once again? There will be no denying her creepiness at that point! 

The SECOND thing, just happened today. I was leaving the office and walking to my car, and I noticed a bloody pad right by my back tire. I'm almost sure it is a deliberate act against me. We are in the suburbs and our parking lot is always very clean. There was no evidence of a trash bag that got torn open. There are no homeless people in the upper class suburb where I work, and would anybody need to deposit their pad RIGHT AT THAT SECOND in the parking lot, if she wasn't homeless? It was so close to my car, that odds are, something would not fall there…it had to have been placed there. Oh, and guess what, my office mate is on her period; she told me so. I would normally consider her too much of a pussy to do something so vindictive, and well, OBVIOUS, but it's always the mouse-like ones that cause trouble right? I suspect she may secretly hate me, and if she actually did have the cojones to put a nasty bloody pad by my car, well, I almost like her 1/100 of a dot more, just for not being as boring and lame as I'd always perceived her to be. She doesn't just go home and fall asleep in front of the tv every night, but stays up late making disgusting schemes with her husband! And THAT'S why she's always tired! It's almost charming. 

But what is next? Is she going to continue to leave strange disgusting obstacles in my path? What if it was someone else from my building stalking me? Is SWF#1 going to keep lightening her hair? What does this all mean?!