The worst years of my life.

Today I looked at the myspace page for Mortified and their web page. I've read about Mortified quite a bit, but haven't actually checked it out. It sounds really cool and fun, of course, and then I remembered my old high school diaryland account that is still online, and thought, well of course I have some hilariously mortifying things I must have written. I'm going to find these things that will seem so cute and silly 7 years down the road -- after all, I'm an adult now! Except that I've been looking through the thing for awhile now, and everything I've read is doing quite the opposite to me. I expected to find sweet endearing things I could picture myself reading aloud on This American Life. I'm even narrating this post in Ira Glass's voice now:

I.G.: Instead, what she found, was a different story.
Me: It's wasn't cute or funny, instead, it made me nauseous and nervous and depressed. I can't even link to it. I wouldn't want anyone to read this, it's beyond mortifying, and I usually don't even feel that uncomfortable about exhibiting my innermost emotions.


so yeah disappointing.
this is one thing i found that's a bit "haha, wtf":

i do remember one thing. today i learned that the reason burglars in movies put a stethescope up to a combination lock is so they can hear the little tick when they get to the right number. i don't know why i never thought about it before, but i was watching a fish called wanda today, and this dude used a stethescope in the movie, and it just hit me. so that's why they do it!!

this makes me kind of worried yet happy. worried that anyone can break into combination locks with a stethescope. it's just kind of unsettling. you might as well just leave the damn locks off. yet i'm happy to know that if i ever need to break into something with a combination lock, i only need to first find a stethescope.

hey here's another unsettling fact: three of the last 50 people to look at my diary looked at it because they typed something along the lines of "poop shit girls" into google.

I wonder why I was so worried that people could break into combination locks.

I can't sift through any more entries to try and find anything "good"...I wish god would strike me with amnesia for fall 2000 - summer 2002. 80% of the entries are about a certain abusive relationship and reminded me of things I don't want to remember. I still have occasional nightmares about it. I guess I should "get over it", it wasn't "that bad".